Technology Babies

Back To Square One

2006-06-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't posted in a while I just couldn't face it.
We got a negative result again, so we are back to square one! No sperm left and no more embryos.
Luckily we are in the process of buying our first home so we have been kept very busy with little time to get down in the dumps. We contacted the Urologists Secretary last week and said we wanted to schedule another TESE for my brave boy. She said she would get back to us. Might chase her up tomorrow.
I have an appointment with the R.E on the 11th July for a follow up chat and to make plans. I want to make sure I shouldn't be having further test regarding immunology. I just emailed Dr Beer's center to ask about collaborating Dr's. Hopefully I will hear back soon.
I am also concerned that my transfers are always difficult due to the stricture of the cervix I had. I need to ask whether it will grow back.
Hopefully we will have the TESE in August once we have moved into the new place. And whether they find sperm or not we will cycle in September.
I want to be pregnant so badly. The new place is being painted and I have already chosen the room that would be the nursery. I have to stop myself virtual shopping for it already.
I just hope that we get pregnant soon...........

11 Days Past a 2 Day Transfer

2006-05-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

One day of hope and fantasy left!
This time tomorrow I will know if my dreams have come true or are over. I hope and pray they come true and all these crampy feelings are early pregnancy signs.
I did an hpt and it was negative this morning. I know if I am PG it could still be to early to show so I have a little hope but not a lot. My girlfriend says I have to be positive but I also have to be realistic. I just want to protect myself a bit. I spoke to my sister briefly just to hear her voice. I feel so lonely and miss her and Mum so much. I didn't let on to my sister, as I don't want her to worry about me. I am making some chicken soup for tomorrow so I don't have to cook. Plus it's my Mum and Granny’s recipe so hopefully it will bring a little comfort.
Tomorrow we will get up an hour earlier to get to the hospital for 8.30.
I should know by tomorrow noon!

Nightmare Weekend

2006-05-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Well the 2-week wait was going fine until Friday (7dp2dt) when I got lower backache and cramps that feel to me like AF is on its way. They continued all day Saturday. I pos on Saturday and it was negative. I have spent most of the weekend sobbing.
Today I'm 10dp2dt and the backache has gone and the cramps have gotten milder but I don't hold out much hope.
Beta is on Wednesday 17th.
On a brighter note we got the go ahead to buy our first home. The home we will become parents in one day!!

7 Days Past a 2 Day Transfer

2006-05-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very low and tearful today. I don't think its worked and all of our embryos have gone. We may not get any more. I have lower back ache and cramps. I'm sure this is all signs that they have faded away.
I want to be happy and look forward to good things to come but am finding it so hard.
We just got the green light from the morgage broker for our first home. I am very pleased but can't muster up the joy I know I would feel if we weren't waiting to see if this has worked or not.
I am hoping a trip to Ikea tomorrow will help. We have to choose a kitchen and I do love to shop! I will be nice to focus on something else for the day....

2 Embryos On Board

2006-05-06T00:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday 5/5 we had our last 2 embryos put back. Both frozen at the 2pn stage, defrosted 5/4 at 10.15am and transfered at 12 noon on the 5/5. One 2 cell and 1 4 cell. Embryologist said they looked great.
If this doesn't work DH has agreed to do anothe TESE in August to see if they can find any more sperm (20 odd found last time).
So we are really hoping and praying that they stay and grow this time.
Transfer was pain free and pretty smooth this time.
Beta is 5/17

Last Embryos

2006-05-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

DH and I saw our R.E yesterday and I had a scan to check my lining. He was pleased and said we look set for this Friday morning to transfer our last remaining embryos. I had my blood drawn and I am good to go! I am very pleased but also sad that we have no more left in the freezer after this go. I had a bit of a weak moment last night, which then started DH off. After 10 years of coming to terms with our diagnosis and D.I, then to find 22 sperm and achieve 7 embryos it just seems so cruel and unfair if it doesn’t work. We both had a good cry and cuddled. It helped release a bit of tension and brought us closer together.
So I guess, as they say, here goes nothing…..

We can try again !!

2006-04-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday we saw the R.E at 2pm, first we talked about the Hysteroscopy findings. Every thing was normal except they found I had a stricture of the cervix. This is why both transfers have been so long and painful and the cycles eventually a bust.
He did a mock transfer on me and it went fine, I didn’t feel a thing. I did bleed a little afterwards but nothing much. He said that now the cervix had been dilated we shouldn’t have any more problems, but there is a chance that the stricture might grow back.
He asked me when I wanted to proceed and I said straight away. He wants me to start the utergestrone straight away and take it for 10 days. Then I should get my period. I have an appointment on the 2nd of May and transfer should be between the 6th and 9th of May.
Afterwards we had an hour wait for our 3.30pm appointment with the Urologist.
It felt like forever. All the while we were both bracing our selves for him to say there was no point looking for sperm. My DH kept joking that he hoped that’s what he did say, as he doesn’t want to go under the knife again.
We were pleased when the hour wait was up and the Dr said we could try again. He said there was every chance we could find sperm but every chance we wouldn’t. He said it would be like digging for gold in an old sealed mine..Lol. I’ll go for any odds I can get. The appiontment was fairly amusing considering. First my husband got up on the bed to be examined and all his cash fell onto the floor. The Dr thanked us for the tip and said he was very greatful. Then as we were leaving and he was shaking my husbands hand he said "you have my phone"? My husbands replied saying it was definatly his. Then the Dr checked his pocket and pulled out his phone which was exactly the same. So then they bonded over there brilliant fancey phones. I don't know, boys and there toys. Or should I say Men and ther Urologist!
Anyway, back to subject. Obviously if we get lucky with the last 2 embryos we won’t be doing another TESE just yet. But I find it easier to think 1 step ahead of the plan it helps me avoid any despair at this whole nightmare process.
If this cycle is a bust we will wait until August to do the next TESE. But here’s hoping they will not need to mess with my DH’s bits for a long while yet.

Hysteroscopy

2006-03-16T14:35:00.000-08:00

I had my Hysteroscopy on Tuesday without any type of anaesthesia. It was over very quickly, (5 minutes) which I am thankful for. It was painful but I think this is unusual. The reason why my last 2 ET's were so painful was apparantly due to a cervical stricture. So when he dilated me and passed the camera through it did hurt. The good news is everything else looks great. I don’t have a tipped uterus after all it was the cervical stricture all along. He also said that now he has dilated me it might be improved. I also had pain in my shoulder about 2 hours afterwards, which he warned me of, which passed quickly after laying flat.
I see the R.E on the 28th and he will do another mock transfer. Hopefully it will be easier this time. I am going to stress to him that I don’t want the last 2 embryos put back if he can’t guarantee a smooth transfer. I will ask him if ZIFT might be an option.
Last time we saw him he wrote to the Urologist to ask whether it might be possible to do another MESA on my Husband.

Wonky Cervix

2006-03-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

I had my 2nd BFN on Monday.
Both transfers were very difficult lasting over half an hour. The 1st I suffered lots of bleeding the 2nd I had non but it was still painful and long. It turned out I have a tipped uterus and maybe a wonky cervix.
I saw the R.E on Tuesday and he did another mock transfer. It was painful and long again. He said he got it in once but it was a fluke and when he tried again he couldn’t. He said I need a Hysteroscopy, on the 3/14, to map the uterus and find out the problem. I am very scared. It is so painful when they do the transfer that I’m really worried that is going to hurt. He also said that the reason the embryos are not doing well is due to the traumatic transfer’s. I think my R.E will do Zift on me for with my last 2 embryos. He definitely said something about putting them in surgically. We only have 2 embryos left that are biologically my husbands and mine so I want to give them the best shot. We are not sure if my Dh can under go another MESA to retrieve sperm, we are waiting to hear. If not we will move on to DI/IVF/ICSI with possibly ZIFT.

Cycle day 1

2006-03-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

AF showed up today. All the poking around yesterday brought it on early. I have very bad cramps and an earache to top it all off!

R.E Appointment

2006-02-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

We saw the R.E today at 2pm. He did another mock transfer with no success. He wants me to have a Hysteroscopy to find out whats going on.

Negative Again!

2006-02-27T16:33:00.000-08:00

We went in this morning for the Beta. We got the call just after lunch that it was a negative. I'm very sad.

6 Days Past A 2 Day Transfer

2006-02-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

Well one week to go until beta day and I'm going crackers. I feel nothing to indicate one way or the other if it has worked or not. I cannot explain how much it would mean to my husband and I if this actually worked. After all this time of thinking it would never happen it would be a miracle. Happy wouldn't describe it. At the same time I have to be realistic, I don't want to despair I just want to have a baby. I want us to have a family of our own. I don't just want to love other people’s children I want to love my own. I worry that my husband is not sharing his feelings and that he will be devastated if this doesn't work. I Love him with all my heart and don't want him to hurt anymore. I just want happiness in our lives, there has been enough sorrow over the years, and I for one have had enough!

Transferred 2, 2-celled Embryos

2006-02-14T16:15:00.000-08:00

I had 2, 2-celled embryos transferred this morning. We had 3 defrosted all at the zygote stage and 2 divided.
Transfer was a nightmare, not quite as bad as last time as I didn't bleed; it wasn't quite as painful but still not good. I have a tipped Uterus, I drank loads of water and took something to relax but it was still hard.
It took half an hour to get them in, and they had to change the catheter. I'm so glad my R.E was there to do it this time.
I came home and have been asleep for the last 3 hours. Its my 2nd Wedding Anniversary today, my DH has been such a darling all day.
He brought me the most beautiful green necklace and earrings. I saw them last week in a shop window and said I loved them and he went back and got them for me.
I'm so lucky.

1st FET on Valentines Day

2006-02-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

We are going to do our 1st FET on Valentines Day this also happens to be our Wedding Anniversary. I went for my scan yesterday to check my lining and they were very pleased. I start Utrogestan tonight. Supercycline antibiotics tomorrow and go for transfer on Tuesday. We are going to thaw 3 embryos and put 2 back. I hope it’s a good omen that it’s our Anniversary and they stay and grow this time.
I had a bad time at my last transfer so they did a practice yesterday, which was a breeze. She said that because the last transfer was so traumatic it had probably reduced our chances so the R.E will be present for this one.

Thank Heavens AF Is Here.

2006-01-31T17:32:00.000-08:00

Af came late last night on cd40 so I'm classing today as cd1.
I thing my Dr wanted me to have one proper period before the FET not counting the 5 day bleed after 1st failed IVF. So I guess the patches were to help build my lining up in order to shed it. I have rang the nurse today and she will call be back with an appointment and protocol once she has spoken to the Dr. I can’t wait to get going on this.

Focus And Be Positive

2006-01-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

After a hellish 3 days of personal drama and loss, I am taking a deep breath and concentrating on myself.
Today I start my patches and Yoga DVD and will try and get back a little calm in my life. I have to focus and be positive, have lots of early nights and warm baths. And make sure I’m emotionally healed from our failed IVF in December. I think I will right a letter to my 2 embryos that we will have put back. And then if it doesn’t work I will have something physical to let go of. I felt such loss on the 23rd of December when we got the call from the Doctors. And I had no way of saying goodbye to my 2 little stars that failed to stay and grow within me. It’s a miracle that we even have our embryos, we never thought that they would even exist. But they did exsit and 5 still do. I have to acknowledge their existence and grieve for their loss if they don’t make it to birth. They are part of my Husband who I love dearly and a part of me.
I was very upset over Christmas wondering how I could go ahead with the Frozen Embryo Transfer. I was scared to loose the other 5 we have left, even joking I would like to keep them forever in the freezer that way we wouldn’t have to loose them. But I know I have to give them a chance at life and that its not in my power if they stay and grow or not………

Hooray

2006-01-12T15:04:00.000-08:00

Hooray, R.E just rang and said for me to start my Estradiol Patches 5-7days before AF is due, and to wait for further instructions. So looks like it’s all on for FET number 1.

FET a.s.a.p

2006-01-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

I have been sitting waiting for DH to receive a telephone appointment from the R.E has been driving me nuts!
The secretary had said there she couldn’t fit us in for a consult until 28th Feb, which is too far away. We had our 1st BFN the 23rd of Dec, AF came full force the same day for 5 days and I’m due her arrival around the same time this month all being well. I am hoping we can do an FET a.s.a.p.

Sick Of Being Sick

2006-01-06T17:05:00.000-08:00

I was sick with a sinus infection from the start of my first IVF in November and I’m still not better. My R.E actually suggested we might want to cancel but we declined. Maybe we should have seeing as we got a BFN, but what’s done is done. In order to give the 5 we have left the best chance I am seeing my ear, nose and throat specialist on Monday. I have had reoccurring sinus problems for 6 years and have had enough of being constantly sick so I’m going to insist that he do something to make me well. Once I have seen him I will ring my R.E for an appointment.
I hope they haven’t frozen all of the embryos together either as I was hoping for at least 2 FET’s.
I am going to start a big list of questions for him.

A Merry Christmas to one and all

2005-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

A Merry Christmas to one and all

I’m okay, just sad and more home sick than ever for my Family in England. We have only told my sister and I miss her so much. Goodness, I held back the tears all day yesterday and then woke at 4am and couldn’t stop. And now I’m typing this, I’ve started again.
I will not post again until the New Year when I come back to try again. We still have 5 more little ones in the freezer.

Negative

2005-12-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

Nurse just called and its Negative. I feel a bit numb. I can't wait for my darling husband to come home.

Beta Day

2005-12-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

Well I am just up and am getting ready to go get my Beta. I woke at 3 and had to run to the toilet, as I felt so nauseous. I have either morning sickness or my mother in Law has poisoned me!

Backache, Cramps & Sore (.)(.) ......AF on her way!

2005-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Well today we are 10 days past a 3-day transfer, tomorrow we go for the blood pregnancy test. Yesterday I gave in and took a home pregnancy test; needless to say it was negative. I had a bit of a cry and lots of hugs from my lovely husband. We haven’t given up hope completely but I’m sure it hasn’t worked. I have backache and cramps and sore (.)(.) I’m sure my period is waiting to start.
We will leave at 7.30 tomorrow morning to get the blood in as early as possible. I think we will probably hear by 2pm. My husband will get the call at work and then ring me. I can’t wait to get it over and done with; all this waiting is a killer.
I love Christmas normally but this year nothing seems real. I just can’t muster up any enthusiasm for anything. I feel so tired I just want to go to bed early, But instead I have to spend the evening with the in laws tonight and put on a smile, (they don’t know that we are trying).

Symptoms?

2005-12-20T12:29:00.000-08:00

I have had loads of symptoms but I am still feeling really negative towards us getting a positive. Between 2 and 4 dpt I had waves of nausea, I have had cramps, twinges and very sore (.)(.). Last night I had very strong sense of smell. Normally I have none! I'm sure this is all due to medication and Af on her way. My beta is Friday morning. But I think I will hpt Thursday when I’m 10dp3dt.

I Really Do Love Champagne.

2005-12-19T03:39:00.000-08:00

Well I am 7dp3dt as of this morning and feel I might go a little nuts!!
Friday is Beta day and I’m sure I’m not pregnant. I feel like I’ve used up all my luck this year and there is no way it will be positive. What with passing my course, passing my driving test and winning tickets for live 8 I think that’s all my luck out.
I did something really naughty………….I brought 2 hpt’s. And now they are calling to me from the bathroom cabinet. I think I will use 1 on Friday morning before I go for my Beta. Just as a reality check so the phone call won’t be so hard. The other I will save for the next round. Which will be as soon as they let me. I am a big emotional wreck most of the time and cry at the drop of a hat. I really want to try and toughen up before Friday. I'm going to put some champagne on ice on Friday. Either my Dh will get very drunk celebrating or I will join him. And I really do love champagne.

Treatment Protocol

2005-12-13T01:34:00.000-08:00

Treatment Protocol - Matched with donor. MESA 12/6
BCP – 11/6-18 0.5 ml Decapeptyl shot 11/18-24 then 0.25ml. 300ml Gonal-F Pen 11/26-30 Start Menopur 12/01-6 Supracyclin 12/5-8. ER-12/9. Retrieved 21 – eggs. ET-12/12. 7 embryos, 2 put back 5 frozen. Progesterone suppositories 12/12 1 in morning 2 at night. Estradot patches 12/12

OUR LITTLE STARS

2005-12-13T01:11:00.000-08:00

I drove to the Hospital yesterday for 11am. We parked and then walked slowly to the Maternity Unit. My DH is still very sore and it was his first outing since his MESA. They took us down into the basement of the Hospital and into a little room next to the laboratory. A lovely Lady Dr came to do the ET, I’d spoken to her about 3 weeks ago by phone and she remembered me.
The ET was a nightmare. The opening to my cervix was open but the passage wasn’t and it was tilted at a funny angle. Not so funny for me! She was very nice and kept saying sorry and telling me to breathe and that she had to get them in there. And I’m saying don’t worry just get them in there. DH looked very worried and kept squeezing my had and telling me I was very brave. Finally she got through the cervix and placed 2 embryos in my uterus. One was 8 celled and the other only 2 celled. The Lab tech said that the 2 celled probably wouldn’t make it.
She showed us the screen and I we saw two little white dots that looked like two stars in the night sky. OUR LITTLE STARS.
I drove home half an hour after the procedure and have been in bed ever since.

We Got Embryos!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

We got the call just now from the nurse. We have 7 embryos, 7!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah we can’t believe it. We have to be in at 11am so I’ve got to get a move on.

Egg Removel

2005-12-09T21:00:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning at 5am. I was already and just had to drive down to the bus stop. I caught the 5.45am bus and go to the hospital for 7am for my ER. I was very nervous and all on my lonesome as DH was in no fit state to be of any use. I got taken straight to my room and told to change into my gown, as I was first in theatre. Everyone was so kind to me, especially my nurse Beatrice, she rubbed my legs and told me not to worry and that she would be there when I got back. Everyone kept saying ‘ca vas?’ and then realising I spoke English tried to use their best English to make me feel okay. I went down to Theatre at 7.30am; I had too wait for about half an hour whilst they prepped me. The nurse couldn’t find my veins in my hands, she tried my left had first then gave up and found one in my right hand. My R.E popped his head in and told me not to worry. I was a very surreal experience being wheeled into an operating theatre with everyone chatting in French. They gave my some medication and told me to breathe into the mask and then I woke up about 9am with it all over. At 3 pm the Dr came and told me that they got 21 eggs. Wow the Dr sure can’t count! So now we wait until Monday to ring the nurse at 9am. If we have embryos I will go in at 11am for Embryo Transfer.

Triggered!

2005-12-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

I Triggered tonight at 9pm with 2 ampuls of Pregnyl. So now I just sit tight while my ovaries rippen off. I go in on Friday morning for Egg Removel. I don't think my Husband will be coming wth me as he is in to much pain.

M.E.S.A & 3rd Ultrasound

2005-12-06T19:20:00.000-08:00

Tuesday the 6th December we woke up and got ready for my Husband to go in at 10am for his MESA procedure. We were running a bit late and got ticked off by the nurses. We checked him in for his MESA Procedure that would take place at 2pm. I got whisked off for an ultrasound and to get my blood work done. The Dr said I had still had about 12 eggs all good sizes and that my E2 level was nice and strong. She then went on to say that I was at risk of OHSS and told me what to look out for. Meanwhile DH was gowned and prepped for Theatre. He went down around 2pm and arrived back at 4.30pm, it was a long wait! He was in high spirits when he came back, with no pain, yet!!! Well as you all know the MESA was just a formality and we were 99% certain that we would be using our donor back up. But would you believe it, the Lab Tech came at 6.00 and told us that out of 4 tissue samples they’d taken 3 had nothing but the last sample had live sperm with tails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Diagnosed with maturation arrest 10 years ago) To say you could have knocked us down with a feather was an understatement. They had 4 straws to freeze and had already done a thaw test and the sperm survived.
DH is in a bad way since the MESA but we have our fingers crossed that it will be worth it.

2nd Ultrasound

2005-12-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

I had an early Ultrasound this morning and blood test. My E2 was 2000 and I have about 12 eggs all measuring about 15-16mm. The R.E was very pleased with me and said I was doing my part well. They booked me into come in on Wednesday morning for another check, but now they want to see me tomorrow morning. I guess to check I don’t hyper stimulate. My Ovaries are really beginning to give me jip. Hooray!!
My darling boy goes in tomorrow at 10am for his MESA procedure. He is so stressed the poor love, he has broken out in psoriasis on his face from all the worry. We will find out straight afterwards if they found anything or not. We are not holding out much hope, and just really want to get Pregnant regardless of how.

1st Ultrasound

2005-12-02T06:52:00.000-08:00

Well I had my ultrasound this morning and I had 12 follies, 4 on the right ovary and 8 on the left. The RE said every thing was looking good for my ER to be on Thursday the 8th December. He said he would transfer 2 embryos on a 2/3 day transfer. Yippee! My E2 was 559 this morning after 6 days of stims. He said to carry on with 300 of Menopur until Monday when I have more blood and another ultrasound. He also said that me being a little on the voluptuous side (my wording not his) hadn’t affected my response to the medication. And there was no talk of cancelling because I’m sick so I didn’t mention it. Its all quite exciting, but I must keep grounded. The chances of this working are only about 25%.

Busy Day

2005-12-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

Well my Husband had his appointment with the anaesthetist this afternoon. All went well and it is set for Tuesday. He can’t eat or drink anything from mid-night on Monday. I told him I would get him a takeaway from his favourite Indian restaurant after he was home. He seems to be looking forward to getting it over and done with now.
Last night when I came to do the Decapeptyl shot it wasn’t in the fridge. It turned out my darling Husband had binned it. What a spanner!!! We checked with the nurse if it was still ok to use after 24 hours in the warmth and she said it was fine after all. I was so worried that I might ovulate overnight.
Last night I had my last shot of Gonal-F and today I started Menopur. 4 little pots of powder to one of water. DH wants to use 2 of the waters tomorrow so we have more to work with. He reasoned that we were leaving a coating on all of the vials. I think we will ask the Dr tomorrow when we go in for my 1st ultrasound I will also have more blood taken. I can’t wait to see how many eggs I have. I so hope this sinus infection hasn’t compromised this cycle. If it has I guess we will have to cancel.

I Don’t Want To Cancel

2005-11-30T03:53:00.000-08:00

Well my Husbands MESA will be on the 6th at 2pm, which could be near enough to my ER not to freeze after all. So I guess we’ll see. He goes tomorrow to see the Anaesthetist at 2.45 to go over the procedure.
I had my blood taken for my E2 levels today at the hospital. They will give the results to me when I go back on Friday for my ultrasound. I saw a Dr whilst I was there as I have been sick for 12 days with a cold, which now is a Sinus infection. She has put me on anti-biotic for 7 days and said we should consider cancelling if I don’t improve by Friday. She said the infection could affect egg quality.
I don’t want to cancel.

Hospital Cock Up!

2005-11-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

I’m so stressed out and pissed off. The stupid hospital has totally messed things up and there is nothing we can do about it. When we first went to see the RE we wanted to do DI as we were ready to have a family, and we had had 10 years knowing that DH was Azoospermic with no sperm being found in biopsy 10 years ago. The RE then said we really should do another biopsy as technology has moved on and there could be hope after all. After much discussion we decided to only go forward with this plan if we did not have to freeze, to give us the best chance if they found anything at biopsy. We would do an IVF ICSI at the same time and in order not to waste my eggs have a donor on back up. Now when I’m on day 3 of stims we get a call saying that the Urologist cannot do short notice biopsy and we will have to freeze after all. If we were going to do it this way after all we wouldn’t have needed for me to go this high tech. I could have just done DIUI. All the money and intervention could be for nothing if DH’s MESA is a bust. And we are sure it probably will be. If the do find something its only likely to be a few. And that just won’t freeze or thaw well. I’m just so disappointed that our last hope for a biological child is now definitely over before we've even tried.
They are still going to do the biopsy just not the day before my ET like we had planned. We are waiting for the phone to ring and tell us when DH will go in for his MESA; we think it will be Wednesday. A whole week before me, so we will definitely be freezing. I just feel so bad for DH. Last time they found nothing, alive or dead, just immature sperm that couldn't be used. This was our only shot, and it feels pointless. All that pain for nothing.
I'm going to go make some home made soup and feed him up before Wednesday.

Gonal-F Day!

2005-11-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

We have had a lovely day today. We woke up late then took a stroll in the snow to the shops. We brought some lovely cheese and bread to make a fondue. Ate far too much and snuggled on the sofa watching T.V all day.
We started the Gonal-F pen today. I found a great site that demonstrates it for you. My lovely Husband did a great job; he is in charge of the Gonal-F. We even recorded it for prosperity!

I Look Yucky.

2005-11-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

My Husband is home Hooray!!
Oh how I’ve missed him.
Yesterday he had ago at giving me my Decapeptyl shot in my tummy. He is in charge of giving me my Gonal-F, which I start on Saturday. I’m excited to start but I have just found a little lump in my armpit, which is a bit sore. I’m wondering if it is something I should be worried about or not. I think I will go up the Hospital tomorrow just to get checked out. Better to be safe than sorry.
I have a stinking cold at the moment and I have blasted cold sores on my lip and nose. I look yucky.

Crappy Plan of Action

2005-11-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

My last day on BCP’s tomorrow, brilliant!! I can’t wait to get this show on the road.
My DH is back tomorrow so I will be recruiting his help with shots. I think he will enjoy being involved in the whole process.
I am a little stressed as it has dawned on me that I am not happy with the plan of action. My RE has said that DH MESA procedure will be preformed the day before mine. It will take place at the local hospital. If they find something that they can use my egg retrieval will be done the next day at the same hospital. If they don’t find anything they can you use, I will have to travel an hour by train to a different hospital to have my ER and ICSI with donor sperm. Some stupid politics, about them being the only hospital in the state to be able to recruit and administer donor sperm. But what if they find only 4 sperm from my Husband and 36 eggs from me. Will the chuck the rest away? Will they say it’s not worth trying with the 4 sperm? I don’t want them to do that I would want them to use DH’s sperm and ICSI the rest with the donor sperm. Plus I want my Husband to be with me for my ER but a short tax ride is a little different to a taxi to the station an hour by train and then another taxi ride to the hospital, and that’s just getting there. We will both be in a bad way by the evening and will need a chaperone at this rate. We will have to make an appointment with the RE to discuss this. I don’t know why there should be a problem with shipping the DS to the local hospital, but there must be or the plan wouldn’t be the way it is.

Instructions for D-day

2005-11-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

Well I did my first shot last night!
It wasn’t so bad I guess, but it did hurt when injected the medication.
I got all organised first and made a hot water bottle, then I iced my leg.
I drew up a list so I didn’t forget something.

1. Wash hands and dry with a clean towel.
2. Ice area
3. Clean area with swab in a covering a 2-inch circle.
4. Put needle on syringe
5. Draw up medication
6. Tap out air bubbles
7. Push up until a ball of liquid forms at the top.
8. Pinch 2 inches of skin and hold the syringe like a dart.
9. Dart the needle in at 90 degrees
10. Slowly push in the medication.
11. Count to 5 then take out the needle.
12. Hold a clean swab on it until bleeding stops.
13. Put hot water bottle on to disperse medication.

The phone rang just as I was counting to 5, so I whipped it out and grabbed the swab and answered the phone. It was my sister and she took my mind off things straight away. Thank goodness for sisters.

D day tomorrow

2005-11-17T14:14:00.000-08:00

I start my Decapeptyl shots tomorrow, first time giving myself shots. I have to say I am nervous and to make matters worse DH is away until next week. I wish he could be here but it can’t be helped. Never mind I’m sure I’ll cope. In a week I will be a pro at this, and then I can open my eyes.

Needles, Needles Everywhere

2005-11-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

I have not been sleeping well over the last few days. I must have been more apprehensive about seeing the nurse than I thought. If I’m not dreaming about falling out with my Husband then I have been dreaming about medication and needles. Big needles, fat needles, in fact just lots of bloody needles. I really must try and get a grip.
I had my appointment yesterday with the nurse and I sought of know the plan, but I’m still a little confused. The reason being is that the Nurse only spoke French, I only speak English, and although my darling husband speaks French, his vocabulary doesn’t stretch to medical jargon. So we kind of played charades most of the time. I go in on Monday to collect the Decapeptyl and syringes from the nurse and start 11/18. My husband will be away so I’m afraid it will just have to be me and my online cycle buddies with Dear Husband on speakerphone.
So many needles, I’m not sure how I’ll cope but I guess I will have to.
I also managed to see the Anesthetist, due to a cancellation, and he talked me through Egg Retrieval and Embryo Transfer. He went through the procedure and all the General Anaesthetic risks. That was a bit scary too!
Wow this whole process is really daunting.
Well below is my schedule, I think.

Medications: bcp/ Decapeptyl starting with 0.5ml on 11/18 for 7 days then 0.25ml until the end of treatment/Gonal F 11/26-30 (300ml in evening) /Pregnyl (when advised) Suprecycline (Antibiotic?)/Menopur after11/30/ Utrogestan (Progesterone)/ Estradiol
BCPs dates: 11/6-22
Lupron dates: I don’t think so
Stim dates: 11/26 - 12/5
ER date: Projected 12/7-10
Number retrieved:?
ICSI (y/n): Y
AH (y/n): Maybe?
Fert report:
ET date: Projected 12/11-14
Number transferred: ?
Beta date: Projected 12/21-24
It seems to make a little more sense now I've written it down, but not much!
I have several appointments booked already.
Blood Test on the11/30.
Blood test & Ultra sound on 12/02.
Blood test & Ultra sound on 12/05

Roller Coaster Here We Come !!!!!

2005-11-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

My Darling Husband and I saw the RE last night and we got the green light to start. We are very excited and terrified at the same time. We are waiting to hear when the nurse can see us to explain the whole IVF process; I just hope she speaks English! It’s all so much trickier doing all this in a foreign country but I guess it can't be helped. I have been given the prescription for all the meds but the Doctor's handwriting is illegible. Why is that I wonder? It seems to be a problem that most Doctors have. All I can make out is Gonal F and Menopur, I think. There are 8 items altogether and one is the BCP's that I start Monday. Hopefully the nurse will shed some light on what the rest could be. I think I do BCP’s between 6/11 and the 22/11, stim between the 26/11 and 5/12, with ER around the 7/12. DH’s MESA round the same time and ET around the 14/12. But I won’t know for sure until the nurse clarifies things. I’m sure I’ll be an expert by Christmas but right now that seems a long way off. It feels like we have just got on a massive roller coaster that has been climbing for ages and we are nearly at the top where it’s going to get really crazy very quickly. The fear and excitement are mounting and I can't wait!

Appointment better late that never?

2005-10-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

I'm pissed off! We have finally got an appointment but the 1st November I think is to late to start :-(
I'm glad we have an appointment, don't get me wrong, but I wish it had been a few days earlier. I'm on day 23 of my cycle (Cycle is usually 32/33 days), and this close to Christmas I think they will put me off till January. Aaaarrrggg!
I just want to know what's going on, what's the plan, I'm stuck in limbo here and its just doing my head in!!!!
I guess I just hate not being in control of my life. But that's exactly what I have to get used too. We will have know control over the IVF/ICSI out come, none what so ever. Its in the laps of the Gods and the Doctors. All I can do is take care of my health, heart, mind and soul and pray to God that it works. What will be will be!
Patience Is a Virtue, I really must learn it!

The Romance Of It All :-)

2005-10-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Husband: Okay, I just spoke to the secretary in Lausanne.

Me: Okay

Dear Husband: She said that she has just finished writing a letter to the Doctor to say that everything is ready and we can proceed with our treatment.
She said to wait until Monday, so that he has a chance to receive and read the letter.

Me: Okay
Well done

Dear Husband: And then contact the secretary in Geneva to book start our treatment.

Me: Okay, well done!

Dear Husband: :-)

Me: Thank You!
GULP.
Exciting

Dear Husband: Yup.

Me: But it does mean Bibopsiy :-(

Dear Husband: :-(

Me: I'll love you better

Dear Husband: Better than what? Now?

Me: Better than ever!!

Dear Husband: LOL
You won't be able to, I'll have sore plums!

Me: I'll love you with Chicken soup, Special cakes and Custard
and then, when they're happy plums ;-) ;-)

Dear Husband: Balls.... ;-)

Mad Few Weeks

2005-10-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

Life has been so busy lately. I haven't stopped to breath even. I have been visiting family in England, sorting out removals and learning to drive. I now need a holiday to recover!
It has been a good busy though, as I have finally got my driving licence. I am thrilled to bits that I managed to keep calm and not freak out, that 'Rescue Remedy' was a godsend.
Well we got back on Tuesday night, late. Checked the mail the next morning and found 2 letters from the Doctor. After translation we realised they expected us to attend the Hospital in the next town on Friday at 8.45 am. And have results of loads of blood tests that we hadn't had yet. The appointment was to see the psychiatrist and be matched with a donor. Which they don't usually do on the same day but as we have had plenty of time to come to terms with things over the last 10 years they had scheduled them back to back.
So the next morning we were up at 5.30, got the bus at 6.30 in to town then the 7.30 to the hospital to get the blood taken before my husband had to be at work. It all went smoothly, the nurse was very gentle, and we hardly felt a thing. But we were tired and had to do the same thing the next day.
The hospital takes 40 minutes by train to get to, so on Friday morning we got into town early grabbed a coffee and Delice for breakfast and caught the 7.10am train. We had plenty of time to talk over what we wanted out of the day. To have a donor that was willing to be known was the most important fact. Also that the donor was 6 ft or taller, they had a good education and their colouring was similar to mine.
The talk with the counsellor went very well. She wanted to know all about the D.C Network and even wants us to hold a talk of our experiences to her patience. It was all quite crazy, but why not.
Next we waited for the Doctor that would help us find a donor. My husband was a little stressed but everything was calm. I was armed with information on American clinics that would send donor sperm internationally so I was happy that we had an alternative if we couldn't be matched with a 'willing to be known donor'. Apparently the law in Switzerland is that all donors be willing to be known. When the child is 18 they will receive information on the donor including name and address and if they want to contact the donor, then they will ask the donor if he will allow a meeting.
The Doctor was very nice and said he had a donor in mind for us who is tall, blond, blue eyed and the same blood group as me. So then we left surprised that it had been so easy and quick.
I was a little overwhelmed with how little information we as prospective parents got. I guess its because my eyes have for so long now been fixed on the American way that I almost felt like I was joining a dating agency. That I would know the person that would father my baby. So it was a realty check and a good one. The only father of my baby will be my husband. And we will both have a wonderful time discovering whom our chid is without a load of information peering over our shoulder. The information is not ours its our future child's.
So now we wait for the call from the Doctors about what the next step is regarding the ICSI and the Biopsy for my husband. We should get the call by the end of this week. I suspect it will be organised for November as I have just finished my period and I guess they will have to wait for the next one. But this will be tricky as my husband is away for a week in November.

Phone Call!

2005-09-16T15:20:00.000-07:00

We rang to tell the Doctors we will be away for 2 weeks. The secretary said that the doctor had spoken to the urologist who had Okayed the ICSI with a donor back up. And the doctor was now at another hospital discussing donors. So I think it’s a go.

D.C Network

2005-09-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share a little of our experience. DH and I found out 2 years into our relationship, both aged 21, that he had a zero sperm count and that Adoption or Donor sperm was are only hope for a family. This devastated us, our world spun. We had no one to turn to, to talk to, that would understand. The thought of using a donor, at that point I couldn't even contemplate, nether could my DH. Then through the Internet we found out about the Donor Conception Network. It is for parents with children conceived using a donor. For parents with children conceived in this way a major issue is whether or not to tell their children, other family members or friends. DC NETWORK is a group started in 1993 by parents who had decided to tell their children about their origins and who came together to support each other.
We decided to go to a meeting just so we could meet people who would understand how we felt. We were greeted very warmly, and met so many wonderful people with families conceived using a donor. We found a wealth of information regarding both sides of the argument and most of all it gave us the first bit of peace we had felt since the diagnosis. Even though this is a UK based support group, they welcome people worldwide. But the website has a wealth of info and wonderful stories from members for anyone to read. 10 years on we are about to start our journey to parent hood. My DH under goes one last biopsy to see if we can try an ICSI cycle. If this doesn’t work out, which we don’t really expect it to, we will go the donor route and tell any children that come along how they were conceived. No matter what your decision I believe that knowing as much as you can on a subject can only empower you. After all Knowledge is power.
Good Luck to all of us on this journey.
http://www.donor-conception-network.org

Roll on winter

2005-09-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

I Love this time of year. It feels like the start of something fresh and new. I guess it reminds me of the feeling of going back to school. New uniform, pencil case, new shoes and a haircut. The leaves starting to fall with the first chill in the air, the long summer nearly over and autumn slowly creeping in. Not that there is much sign of autumn here yet. It was 32 degrees yesterday at it looks to be the same today. Roll on winter I've had enough!!!
Talking of having enough, where the hell is the letter from the RE telling us what the plan is. Its 2 weeks tomorrow that we saw him, how long does it take to talk to the Urologist about whether we can do an IVF/ICSI cycle with a donor on back up. I feel so frustrated checking the mail every day and nothing, every time the phone rings I grab a pen and paper hoping it’s the Dr but it never is. The thing is, we go to England on the 19th of this month until the 4th of October. So I need to know the plan soon if my husband is going to have the op at the end of October then I will need to start the IVF/ICSI at the beginning of October, I think. I know nothing about this stuff, and at this rate I'm going to have to learn fast. I want to feel excited again like I did after the visit with the RE. I want to know the plan, and get on with it. If we haven't heard by Monday we will have to ring them up, to hurry them along a bit. I mean we have to pick a donor and everything still!!

Looking Forward

2005-08-31T14:21:00.000-07:00

Well we went for our 2nd appointment with the RE, but he had decided to extend his holiday by a few days and the receptionist had forgotten how to use a phone. I was so disappointed. Any way managed to see him 3 days later and it went well, I think.
He thinks it is worth a shot at another biopsy so that’s what we will do.

He was pretty adamant that if they find anything that we should freeze then do an ICSI later. But as it is a complete shot in the dark and the last biopsy my husband will do and that the one my Husband had 10 years ago found nothing we want to do an ICSI at the same time. This way even if they only find one it won't be lost when defrosted. He still wasn’t keen to put me through an IVF cycle without knowing if we would need it or not, so we asked whether we could have a donor on stand by just to be on the safe side.
This, he said was not common practice so he would have to find out from other Dr’s.
So we are waiting to hear what the plan is, either biopsy/ ICSI/donor backup or just biopsy. Either way the biopsy will be done in October somtime.

When we left we were both smiling, this is the first time we have felt excited about starting a family.

We are both looking forward to trying for a family even though we know it will be hard.