Technology Babies

Back To Square One

2006-06-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't posted in a while I just couldn't face it.
We got a negative result again, so we are back to square one! No sperm left and no more embryos.
Luckily we are in the process of buying our first home so we have been kept very busy with little time to get down in the dumps. We contacted the Urologists Secretary last week and said we wanted to schedule another TESE for my brave boy. She said she would get back to us. Might chase her up tomorrow.
I have an appointment with the R.E on the 11th July for a follow up chat and to make plans. I want to make sure I shouldn't be having further test regarding immunology. I just emailed Dr Beer's center to ask about collaborating Dr's. Hopefully I will hear back soon.
I am also concerned that my transfers are always difficult due to the stricture of the cervix I had. I need to ask whether it will grow back.
Hopefully we will have the TESE in August once we have moved into the new place. And whether they find sperm or not we will cycle in September.
I want to be pregnant so badly. The new place is being painted and I have already chosen the room that would be the nursery. I have to stop myself virtual shopping for it already.
I just hope that we get pregnant soon...........

11 Days Past a 2 Day Transfer

2006-05-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

One day of hope and fantasy left!
This time tomorrow I will know if my dreams have come true or are over. I hope and pray they come true and all these crampy feelings are early pregnancy signs.
I did an hpt and it was negative this morning. I know if I am PG it could still be to early to show so I have a little hope but not a lot. My girlfriend says I have to be positive but I also have to be realistic. I just want to protect myself a bit. I spoke to my sister briefly just to hear her voice. I feel so lonely and miss her and Mum so much. I didn't let on to my sister, as I don't want her to worry about me. I am making some chicken soup for tomorrow so I don't have to cook. Plus it's my Mum and Granny’s recipe so hopefully it will bring a little comfort.
Tomorrow we will get up an hour earlier to get to the hospital for 8.30.
I should know by tomorrow noon!

Nightmare Weekend

2006-05-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Well the 2-week wait was going fine until Friday (7dp2dt) when I got lower backache and cramps that feel to me like AF is on its way. They continued all day Saturday. I pos on Saturday and it was negative. I have spent most of the weekend sobbing.
Today I'm 10dp2dt and the backache has gone and the cramps have gotten milder but I don't hold out much hope.
Beta is on Wednesday 17th.
On a brighter note we got the go ahead to buy our first home. The home we will become parents in one day!!

7 Days Past a 2 Day Transfer

2006-05-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very low and tearful today. I don't think its worked and all of our embryos have gone. We may not get any more. I have lower back ache and cramps. I'm sure this is all signs that they have faded away.
I want to be happy and look forward to good things to come but am finding it so hard.
We just got the green light from the morgage broker for our first home. I am very pleased but can't muster up the joy I know I would feel if we weren't waiting to see if this has worked or not.
I am hoping a trip to Ikea tomorrow will help. We have to choose a kitchen and I do love to shop! I will be nice to focus on something else for the day....

2 Embryos On Board

2006-05-06T00:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday 5/5 we had our last 2 embryos put back. Both frozen at the 2pn stage, defrosted 5/4 at 10.15am and transfered at 12 noon on the 5/5. One 2 cell and 1 4 cell. Embryologist said they looked great.
If this doesn't work DH has agreed to do anothe TESE in August to see if they can find any more sperm (20 odd found last time).
So we are really hoping and praying that they stay and grow this time.
Transfer was pain free and pretty smooth this time.
Beta is 5/17

Last Embryos

2006-05-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

DH and I saw our R.E yesterday and I had a scan to check my lining. He was pleased and said we look set for this Friday morning to transfer our last remaining embryos. I had my blood drawn and I am good to go! I am very pleased but also sad that we have no more left in the freezer after this go. I had a bit of a weak moment last night, which then started DH off. After 10 years of coming to terms with our diagnosis and D.I, then to find 22 sperm and achieve 7 embryos it just seems so cruel and unfair if it doesn’t work. We both had a good cry and cuddled. It helped release a bit of tension and brought us closer together.
So I guess, as they say, here goes nothing…..

We can try again !!

2006-04-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday we saw the R.E at 2pm, first we talked about the Hysteroscopy findings. Every thing was normal except they found I had a stricture of the cervix. This is why both transfers have been so long and painful and the cycles eventually a bust.
He did a mock transfer on me and it went fine, I didn’t feel a thing. I did bleed a little afterwards but nothing much. He said that now the cervix had been dilated we shouldn’t have any more problems, but there is a chance that the stricture might grow back.
He asked me when I wanted to proceed and I said straight away. He wants me to start the utergestrone straight away and take it for 10 days. Then I should get my period. I have an appointment on the 2nd of May and transfer should be between the 6th and 9th of May.
Afterwards we had an hour wait for our 3.30pm appointment with the Urologist.
It felt like forever. All the while we were both bracing our selves for him to say there was no point looking for sperm. My DH kept joking that he hoped that’s what he did say, as he doesn’t want to go under the knife again.
We were pleased when the hour wait was up and the Dr said we could try again. He said there was every chance we could find sperm but every chance we wouldn’t. He said it would be like digging for gold in an old sealed mine..Lol. I’ll go for any odds I can get. The appiontment was fairly amusing considering. First my husband got up on the bed to be examined and all his cash fell onto the floor. The Dr thanked us for the tip and said he was very greatful. Then as we were leaving and he was shaking my husbands hand he said "you have my phone"? My husbands replied saying it was definatly his. Then the Dr checked his pocket and pulled out his phone which was exactly the same. So then they bonded over there brilliant fancey phones. I don't know, boys and there toys. Or should I say Men and ther Urologist!
Anyway, back to subject. Obviously if we get lucky with the last 2 embryos we won’t be doing another TESE just yet. But I find it easier to think 1 step ahead of the plan it helps me avoid any despair at this whole nightmare process.
If this cycle is a bust we will wait until August to do the next TESE. But here’s hoping they will not need to mess with my DH’s bits for a long while yet.

Hysteroscopy

2006-03-16T14:35:00.000-08:00

I had my Hysteroscopy on Tuesday without any type of anaesthesia. It was over very quickly, (5 minutes) which I am thankful for. It was painful but I think this is unusual. The reason why my last 2 ET's were so painful was apparantly due to a cervical stricture. So when he dilated me and passed the camera through it did hurt. The good news is everything else looks great. I don’t have a tipped uterus after all it was the cervical stricture all along. He also said that now he has dilated me it might be improved. I also had pain in my shoulder about 2 hours afterwards, which he warned me of, which passed quickly after laying flat.
I see the R.E on the 28th and he will do another mock transfer. Hopefully it will be easier this time. I am going to stress to him that I don’t want the last 2 embryos put back if he can’t guarantee a smooth transfer. I will ask him if ZIFT might be an option.
Last time we saw him he wrote to the Urologist to ask whether it might be possible to do another MESA on my Husband.

Wonky Cervix

2006-03-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

I had my 2nd BFN on Monday.
Both transfers were very difficult lasting over half an hour. The 1st I suffered lots of bleeding the 2nd I had non but it was still painful and long. It turned out I have a tipped uterus and maybe a wonky cervix.
I saw the R.E on Tuesday and he did another mock transfer. It was painful and long again. He said he got it in once but it was a fluke and when he tried again he couldn’t. He said I need a Hysteroscopy, on the 3/14, to map the uterus and find out the problem. I am very scared. It is so painful when they do the transfer that I’m really worried that is going to hurt. He also said that the reason the embryos are not doing well is due to the traumatic transfer’s. I think my R.E will do Zift on me for with my last 2 embryos. He definitely said something about putting them in surgically. We only have 2 embryos left that are biologically my husbands and mine so I want to give them the best shot. We are not sure if my Dh can under go another MESA to retrieve sperm, we are waiting to hear. If not we will move on to DI/IVF/ICSI with possibly ZIFT.

Cycle day 1

2006-03-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

AF showed up today. All the poking around yesterday brought it on early. I have very bad cramps and an earache to top it all off!

R.E Appointment

2006-02-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

We saw the R.E today at 2pm. He did another mock transfer with no success. He wants me to have a Hysteroscopy to find out whats going on.

Negative Again!

2006-02-27T16:33:00.000-08:00

We went in this morning for the Beta. We got the call just after lunch that it was a negative. I'm very sad.

6 Days Past A 2 Day Transfer

2006-02-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

Well one week to go until beta day and I'm going crackers. I feel nothing to indicate one way or the other if it has worked or not. I cannot explain how much it would mean to my husband and I if this actually worked. After all this time of thinking it would never happen it would be a miracle. Happy wouldn't describe it. At the same time I have to be realistic, I don't want to despair I just want to have a baby. I want us to have a family of our own. I don't just want to love other people’s children I want to love my own. I worry that my husband is not sharing his feelings and that he will be devastated if this doesn't work. I Love him with all my heart and don't want him to hurt anymore. I just want happiness in our lives, there has been enough sorrow over the years, and I for one have had enough!

Transferred 2, 2-celled Embryos

2006-02-14T16:15:00.000-08:00

I had 2, 2-celled embryos transferred this morning. We had 3 defrosted all at the zygote stage and 2 divided.
Transfer was a nightmare, not quite as bad as last time as I didn't bleed; it wasn't quite as painful but still not good. I have a tipped Uterus, I drank loads of water and took something to relax but it was still hard.
It took half an hour to get them in, and they had to change the catheter. I'm so glad my R.E was there to do it this time.
I came home and have been asleep for the last 3 hours. Its my 2nd Wedding Anniversary today, my DH has been such a darling all day.
He brought me the most beautiful green necklace and earrings. I saw them last week in a shop window and said I loved them and he went back and got them for me.
I'm so lucky.

1st FET on Valentines Day

2006-02-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

We are going to do our 1st FET on Valentines Day this also happens to be our Wedding Anniversary. I went for my scan yesterday to check my lining and they were very pleased. I start Utrogestan tonight. Supercycline antibiotics tomorrow and go for transfer on Tuesday. We are going to thaw 3 embryos and put 2 back. I hope it’s a good omen that it’s our Anniversary and they stay and grow this time.
I had a bad time at my last transfer so they did a practice yesterday, which was a breeze. She said that because the last transfer was so traumatic it had probably reduced our chances so the R.E will be present for this one.

Thank Heavens AF Is Here.

2006-01-31T17:32:00.000-08:00

Af came late last night on cd40 so I'm classing today as cd1.
I thing my Dr wanted me to have one proper period before the FET not counting the 5 day bleed after 1st failed IVF. So I guess the patches were to help build my lining up in order to shed it. I have rang the nurse today and she will call be back with an appointment and protocol once she has spoken to the Dr. I can’t wait to get going on this.

Focus And Be Positive

2006-01-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

After a hellish 3 days of personal drama and loss, I am taking a deep breath and concentrating on myself.
Today I start my patches and Yoga DVD and will try and get back a little calm in my life. I have to focus and be positive, have lots of early nights and warm baths. And make sure I’m emotionally healed from our failed IVF in December. I think I will right a letter to my 2 embryos that we will have put back. And then if it doesn’t work I will have something physical to let go of. I felt such loss on the 23rd of December when we got the call from the Doctors. And I had no way of saying goodbye to my 2 little stars that failed to stay and grow within me. It’s a miracle that we even have our embryos, we never thought that they would even exist. But they did exsit and 5 still do. I have to acknowledge their existence and grieve for their loss if they don’t make it to birth. They are part of my Husband who I love dearly and a part of me.
I was very upset over Christmas wondering how I could go ahead with the Frozen Embryo Transfer. I was scared to loose the other 5 we have left, even joking I would like to keep them forever in the freezer that way we wouldn’t have to loose them. But I know I have to give them a chance at life and that its not in my power if they stay and grow or not………

Hooray

2006-01-12T15:04:00.000-08:00

Hooray, R.E just rang and said for me to start my Estradiol Patches 5-7days before AF is due, and to wait for further instructions. So looks like it’s all on for FET number 1.

FET a.s.a.p

2006-01-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

I have been sitting waiting for DH to receive a telephone appointment from the R.E has been driving me nuts!
The secretary had said there she couldn’t fit us in for a consult until 28th Feb, which is too far away. We had our 1st BFN the 23rd of Dec, AF came full force the same day for 5 days and I’m due her arrival around the same time this month all being well. I am hoping we can do an FET a.s.a.p.

Sick Of Being Sick

2006-01-06T17:05:00.000-08:00

I was sick with a sinus infection from the start of my first IVF in November and I’m still not better. My R.E actually suggested we might want to cancel but we declined. Maybe we should have seeing as we got a BFN, but what’s done is done. In order to give the 5 we have left the best chance I am seeing my ear, nose and throat specialist on Monday. I have had reoccurring sinus problems for 6 years and have had enough of being constantly sick so I’m going to insist that he do something to make me well. Once I have seen him I will ring my R.E for an appointment.
I hope they haven’t frozen all of the embryos together either as I was hoping for at least 2 FET’s.
I am going to start a big list of questions for him.

A Merry Christmas to one and all

2005-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

A Merry Christmas to one and all

I’m okay, just sad and more home sick than ever for my Family in England. We have only told my sister and I miss her so much. Goodness, I held back the tears all day yesterday and then woke at 4am and couldn’t stop. And now I’m typing this, I’ve started again.
I will not post again until the New Year when I come back to try again. We still have 5 more little ones in the freezer.

Negative

2005-12-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

Nurse just called and its Negative. I feel a bit numb. I can't wait for my darling husband to come home.

Beta Day

2005-12-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

Well I am just up and am getting ready to go get my Beta. I woke at 3 and had to run to the toilet, as I felt so nauseous. I have either morning sickness or my mother in Law has poisoned me!

Backache, Cramps & Sore (.)(.) ......AF on her way!

2005-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Well today we are 10 days past a 3-day transfer, tomorrow we go for the blood pregnancy test. Yesterday I gave in and took a home pregnancy test; needless to say it was negative. I had a bit of a cry and lots of hugs from my lovely husband. We haven’t given up hope completely but I’m sure it hasn’t worked. I have backache and cramps and sore (.)(.) I’m sure my period is waiting to start.
We will leave at 7.30 tomorrow morning to get the blood in as early as possible. I think we will probably hear by 2pm. My husband will get the call at work and then ring me. I can’t wait to get it over and done with; all this waiting is a killer.
I love Christmas normally but this year nothing seems real. I just can’t muster up any enthusiasm for anything. I feel so tired I just want to go to bed early, But instead I have to spend the evening with the in laws tonight and put on a smile, (they don’t know that we are trying).

Symptoms?

2005-12-20T12:29:00.000-08:00

I have had loads of symptoms but I am still feeling really negative towards us getting a positive. Between 2 and 4 dpt I had waves of nausea, I have had cramps, twinges and very sore (.)(.). Last night I had very strong sense of smell. Normally I have none! I'm sure this is all due to medication and Af on her way. My beta is Friday morning. But I think I will hpt Thursday when I’m 10dp3dt.