Back To Square One

Well I haven't posted in a while I just couldn't face it.
We got a negative result again, so we are back to square one! No sperm left and no more embryos.
Luckily we are in the process of buying our first home so we have been kept very busy with little time to get down in the dumps. We contacted the Urologists Secretary last week and said we wanted to schedule another TESE for my brave boy. She said she would get back to us. Might chase her up tomorrow.
I have an appointment with the R.E on the 11th July for a follow up chat and to make plans. I want to make sure I shouldn't be having further test regarding immunology. I just emailed Dr Beer's center to ask about collaborating Dr's. Hopefully I will hear back soon.
I am also concerned that my transfers are always difficult due to the stricture of the cervix I had. I need to ask whether it will grow back.
Hopefully we will have the TESE in August once we have moved into the new place. And whether they find sperm or not we will cycle in September.
I want to be pregnant so badly. The new place is being painted and I have already chosen the room that would be the nursery. I have to stop myself virtual shopping for it already.
I just hope that we get pregnant soon...........

11 Days Past a 2 Day Transfer

One day of hope and fantasy left!
This time tomorrow I will know if my dreams have come true or are over. I hope and pray they come true and all these crampy feelings are early pregnancy signs.
I did an hpt and it was negative this morning. I know if I am PG it could still be to early to show so I have a little hope but not a lot. My girlfriend says I have to be positive but I also have to be realistic. I just want to protect myself a bit. I spoke to my sister briefly just to hear her voice. I feel so lonely and miss her and Mum so much. I didn't let on to my sister, as I don't want her to worry about me. I am making some chicken soup for tomorrow so I don't have to cook. Plus it's my Mum and Granny’s recipe so hopefully it will bring a little comfort.
Tomorrow we will get up an hour earlier to get to the hospital for 8.30.
I should know by tomorrow noon!

Nightmare Weekend

Well the 2-week wait was going fine until Friday (7dp2dt) when I got lower backache and cramps that feel to me like AF is on its way. They continued all day Saturday. I pos on Saturday and it was negative. I have spent most of the weekend sobbing.
Today I'm 10dp2dt and the backache has gone and the cramps have gotten milder but I don't hold out much hope.
Beta is on Wednesday 17th.
On a brighter note we got the go ahead to buy our first home. The home we will become parents in one day!!

7 Days Past a 2 Day Transfer

I am feeling very low and tearful today. I don't think its worked and all of our embryos have gone. We may not get any more. I have lower back ache and cramps. I'm sure this is all signs that they have faded away.
I want to be happy and look forward to good things to come but am finding it so hard.
We just got the green light from the morgage broker for our first home. I am very pleased but can't muster up the joy I know I would feel if we weren't waiting to see if this has worked or not.
I am hoping a trip to Ikea tomorrow will help. We have to choose a kitchen and I do love to shop! I will be nice to focus on something else for the day....

2 Embryos On Board

Yesterday 5/5 we had our last 2 embryos put back. Both frozen at the 2pn stage, defrosted 5/4 at 10.15am and transfered at 12 noon on the 5/5. One 2 cell and 1 4 cell. Embryologist said they looked great.
If this doesn't work DH has agreed to do anothe TESE in August to see if they can find any more sperm (20 odd found last time).
So we are really hoping and praying that they stay and grow this time.
Transfer was pain free and pretty smooth this time.
Beta is 5/17

Last Embryos

DH and I saw our R.E yesterday and I had a scan to check my lining. He was pleased and said we look set for this Friday morning to transfer our last remaining embryos. I had my blood drawn and I am good to go! I am very pleased but also sad that we have no more left in the freezer after this go. I had a bit of a weak moment last night, which then started DH off. After 10 years of coming to terms with our diagnosis and D.I, then to find 22 sperm and achieve 7 embryos it just seems so cruel and unfair if it doesn’t work. We both had a good cry and cuddled. It helped release a bit of tension and brought us closer together.
So I guess, as they say, here goes nothing…..

We can try again !!

Well yesterday we saw the R.E at 2pm, first we talked about the Hysteroscopy findings. Every thing was normal except they found I had a stricture of the cervix. This is why both transfers have been so long and painful and the cycles eventually a bust.
He did a mock transfer on me and it went fine, I didn’t feel a thing. I did bleed a little afterwards but nothing much. He said that now the cervix had been dilated we shouldn’t have any more problems, but there is a chance that the stricture might grow back.
He asked me when I wanted to proceed and I said straight away. He wants me to start the utergestrone straight away and take it for 10 days. Then I should get my period. I have an appointment on the 2nd of May and transfer should be between the 6th and 9th of May.
Afterwards we had an hour wait for our 3.30pm appointment with the Urologist.
It felt like forever. All the while we were both bracing our selves for him to say there was no point looking for sperm. My DH kept joking that he hoped that’s what he did say, as he doesn’t want to go under the knife again.
We were pleased when the hour wait was up and the Dr said we could try again. He said there was every chance we could find sperm but every chance we wouldn’t. He said it would be like digging for gold in an old sealed mine..Lol. I’ll go for any odds I can get. The appiontment was fairly amusing considering. First my husband got up on the bed to be examined and all his cash fell onto the floor. The Dr thanked us for the tip and said he was very greatful. Then as we were leaving and he was shaking my husbands hand he said "you have my phone"? My husbands replied saying it was definatly his. Then the Dr checked his pocket and pulled out his phone which was exactly the same. So then they bonded over there brilliant fancey phones. I don't know, boys and there toys. Or should I say Men and ther Urologist!
Anyway, back to subject. Obviously if we get lucky with the last 2 embryos we won’t be doing another TESE just yet. But I find it easier to think 1 step ahead of the plan it helps me avoid any despair at this whole nightmare process.
If this cycle is a bust we will wait until August to do the next TESE. But here’s hoping they will not need to mess with my DH’s bits for a long while yet.